Kate: A Weight Loss Journey (part 1)
Updated: Apr 14
This is a real client's journey using the Gastric HypnoBand.
We have not altered her comments but some names have been changed.
Saturday 25th September
Arrived at the hotel, which was a bit of a nightmare and I was taken from arriving with plenty of time to spare to almost running late, only to find out later I had been on top of the hotel and its huge car park twice!
The first session was introductory and I have to be honest, I felt a bit cynical about it. I did actually say to Adrian, "If it works, do I really want to admit to being that susceptible?" Plus, I really didn't think I could be hypnotised.
Listening to Adrian's iPhone, part of me felt slightly fraudulent in that I could hear his voice and the music and the waves rushing to the shore, but I felt that it was slightly ridiculous because at any given time, I could just open my eyes and walk out. But I carried on, until the moment when the crashing thought entered my head that "OMG I haven't shaved my legs". Here I was lying on a chair, legs up and people could see my hairy legs.
So in my head, right now are my hairy legs, Adrian's voice, the gentle music and the waves on the shore. I'm so confused, but I didn't get up and walk out - I stayed there.
When that session had finished, Adrian asked how we felt I think I was the only one who hadn't felt anything, but who knows!
We broke for a very delicious lunch, just what a fat bird needs - chips and a cream dessert. lol - Oh it was delicious!
Then I decided to move the car from the public car park to the hotel car park. Ermm, fat birds shouldn't rush and fat birds who have just had lunch should rush even less! Got to the car park only to discover I couldn't find my car. Not only could I not find my car, I couldn't find the floor I'd parked on! Yes - a whole car park floor had disappeared between me parking and coming back. I was upstairs, I was downstairs - I was having a heart attack!
Eventually I found an attendant who told me it WAS upstairs. So off I go. Nope, "Aha", says attendant, "They are half floors, you have to go up the ramp - look there's your floor". Oh thank God!
Get in car, then rush to hotel. Then run, (yes people it was a case of Run Fat Bird Run to the hotel and up the stairs into the room. Never a handsome paramedic when you need one! Luckily even though I was a tad late so was Adrian, so composure was able to be returned.
But I must have done my five minute walk for the next five weeks Adrian - lol!
Ok, this session is all about what we'd like to achieve. This I found VERY emotional, much more than I thought, and much to my chagrin, I cried.
I didn't think that would happen. But my goal, apart from losing weight is to find acceptance in myself for who I am. I've spent my whole life hiding in this fat body because I wasn't good enough as the underweight child I was. Tired of fighting for attention or my estranged father's love, I hid to be invisible.
As time went on, this was who I was (the thin child was still inside but protected from anything that could hurt her).
People know me as a great person to be around, I could even be around men without too much pain. The fat absorbed any pain, until the day that someone got under that wall and loved me. It was so lovely and special to be the special person for someone and I allowed myself to believe and fell. I fell really hard.
Then it fell apart and I had nowhere to go. That protection that had built up that had absorbed every hurt and pain was thrown in my face and I wasn't good enough as that person. So I had nowhere to go.
I don't know who I am any more So, what I'm trying to find in my weight loss is who I am. I want to find the place which is where I am meant to be and accept that that's who I am. Being fat wasn't me, and ended up being no protection, and being skinny wasn't me, so who am I meant to be?
So that's my goal.
In this session when we went under - me still being sceptical, but acquiescent. Adrian took us to a fork in a road and one road was easy: the road we've always done, the other harder: the way we need to go to achieve our goals.
We went down the left fork road and we came to a mirror.
Adrian told us to look in the mirror and see ourselves.
Being a person who avoids looking in mirror,s this for me was traumatic, and I know I cried. My body went all hot and my skin prickled I felt myself go red and all the while I'm thinking, 'I'm glad no one can see this', I know I cried.
I felt shock and disgust and shame that that ugly fat blob in the mirror was me. That's not me, it's not who I'm meant to be. Being forced to see yourself as you are can be very hard. It wasn't something I really thought about, it didn't stop me doing anything. I couldn't run a marathon but I could walk one. Yes - I wished I was thinner and found stairs easier, but don't we all?
I've never been singled out as being fat. I've never had bad service in a restaurant or been given a bad table. I think it's partly who you are anyway and because I'm happy that's how I present myself. Even men who have looked askance at me on introduction would come back later and say I don't normally like fat people but you're ok. Errr thanks for that!
So for me, session 2 was very hard.
That night I had a very bad night's sleep which involved me being stood in front of that bloody mirror looking at myself.
When I told Adrian next day he asked if I had recognised myself or was it just an image? I'd like to say it was an image, but no, it was me in all my fat ugly blobby ugliness.
Sunday 26th September
I was actually impressed with myself that after dinner on Saturday and upon treating myself to a chocolate martini I then proceeded to throw half of it away. I had as much as I wanted. I could have finished it but only because it was there and had cost me a fortune, not because I wanted to.
1 point to Adrian. Ya boo!
Having had breakfast where I didn't have cereal (unheard of for me in a hotel), I had the most delicious prunes (I need the chef's recipe) and a full English but it was a sort of half English because it was minus the sausage (did I want extra bacon? No thank-you), minus the black pudding, and POACHED egg! What is going on here?
Then it took me ages to eat, as without thinking, I kept putting my knife and fork down.
By the time I'd finished, my breakfast was cold and I was stuffed.
1 point to Adrian.
Have to say, during this session, I didn't really feel any different to the others, still aware of other things as well as Adrian's voice, the gentle music and the waves on the shore, but at least I'd shaved my legs on Saturday night, so that wasn't in there!
Everyone had different feelings about that session, but I'm glad I wasn't the only one to not feel a tightening sensation.
So we leave, and I start the drive home.
On the drive home, I got severe stabbing pains in my stomach and at one point these were so painful I nearly pulled over. I told myself I needed the toilet, but it wasn't that sort of pain, it was a stabbing in my side. If it was the other side I'd seriously think of changing my name to Jesus and wear a crown of thorns for being a martyr, but it was the other side. In the pit of my stomach was a heaviness - ok I've got constipation or indigestion.
I refuse to give Adrian another point!
When I got home, I realised that having had breakfast at half 8 I must be hungry, as it was now nearly 3pm. So I had a peanut butter sandwich (without the butter I normally spread on the bread as well), without the bag of crisps and without the Diet Coke I would normally have too - I had...a banana!
Then child 1 gave me the choice of a big bar of choc or a box of chocs he'd brought back from his school trip. I chose the bar, broke a section off and gave it back to him, much to his joy. I took half of the piece I had and started eating it. It was nice as only Belgian chocolate can be. I realised that I didn't even want what I had taken so threw the other half of my piece back onto the bar. I finshed the piece I was eating but realised I really didn't want it. Grrrr....
1 point to Adrian - this is getting tiresome...
Dinner: I decided I was going to splurge. Hmm, yep I splurged. I had sliced tomato with mozzarella cheese drizzled with balsamic vinegar and a dash of olive oil. A slice of bread to mop up the yummy juice.
Child 2 thought it looked so nice although having already had his dinner he made the same for himself. I ate it all except for the bread, which I only used to mop the juice. Once that was mopped I threw the bread away. I followed this with a yoghurt.
1 point to Adrian - Grrr....
Was in bed at 9.30pm, not a good night but not as bad as Saturday.
Monday 27th September
Got boys up, dropped hem off and went straight to the gym as is my usual routine. Got home and made my breakfast, which is normally toast and butter with jam and maybe a couple of biscuits to go with my coffee.
Today, I had Weetabix with a tiny sprinkle of sugar and I didn't drown them in milk, I just taught them to swim! My coffee: I did still put my sugar in (small steps Adrian small steps...).
1 point to Adrian..Hmmm.
I can't say I feel
a band yet, but there is a definite feeling of fullness that has been there since the stabbing pains.
My gym has been lovely - have asked if I need them to do anything to help. I said, nothing really, just if I seem to be slacking, whip me (well not 'whip' as I might enjoy it too much!) just admonish me to get me back to work and stop slacking.
I hope I'm on the road that forks to the right - it's baby steps at the minute so I will just keep up the work and hopefully it will get easier and I will feel less emotional about things as it settles into being 'normal'.
Just had lunch: a peanut butter sandwich with a glass of juice that I diluted with water, I've always thought this juice was very thick anyway. I also had a banana. I'm full more full than normal - actually a bit nauseous I-didn't have the usual packet of crisps and I didn't have a Diet Coke. I'm doing roast lamb for dinner so we'll see how that goes.
Not giving another point to Adrian just yet (LOL).
Dinner was also an eye opener. I had roast lamb, roast potatoes, yorkshires and cauliflower. Now I probably had about the same amount of meat as usual, but the potatoes definitely less and no bigger than marbles, honestly. I only had one yorkshire pud, (they were small too by anyone's standards!.
I did eat it all because it was so scrummy but I know the whole plateful was smaller than normal. Child 2 had left some meat on his plate and normally I would finish it off. To be brutally honest, I did take a bite, and only a bite and threw the rest away!
1 point to Adrian - that's unheard of.
Had no Diet Coke again today - head still hurting, but less.
No snacking in the evening at all except a yoghurt for dessert.
Tuesday 28th September
Again, had Weetabix for breakfast and a coffee. I did put less sugar in , small steps Adrian small steps!
Haven't really missed the snacking to be honest, or surprisingly enough the Diet Coke! That really surprises me because I've gone from about 3 to 4 cans a day to none. Woke up with a banging headache but that was gone after a while.
No snacks so far.
Had lunch - again, it was a peanut butter sandwich, mainly to use it up. 3 glasses of water so far and I had a yoghurt too.
Going out for dinner with friends tonight but I've already chosen what I want - unless the menu changes when I get there!
Going to go for a starter and main and I know I'm bypassing dessert because there's nothing I really want, a couple I would normally have, just to have, but I know already I don't actually want one and to have it would be a waste.
1 point to Adrian.
He really deserves that point because that would never ever have crossed my mind before or only fleetingly, whilst I was getting bloated from eating it.
I miss my Diet Coke -actually that's a lie, I don't really. Beginning to dislike Adrian intensely!
Well, am back from dinner. It went very welI - drank sparkling water all night, normally it's about 3 glasses of Diet Coke.
I had a starter - warm goat's cheese and beetroot salad, and my main was beef and greens on pureed celeriac. Plus point: I left some! I nearly didn't because it was so yummy, but I know I was full and to finish it would have been sheer greed and not hunger. No dessert and no coffee.
So all in all, I'm very pleased with myself inspite of my blip earlier when making dinner for everyone else. But who can resist the allure of mashed potatoes when they're all hot and buttery, and mashed swede and haggis? Oh I didn't go mad - just a taste.r I was good in spite of being naughty. All in all, a good day.
1 point to Adrian.
Wednesday 29th September
Went to the gym as normal after dropping everyone at the station. Had a good workout.
Had Weetabix for breakfast and noticed that if you sprinkle the sugar from a height you cover the biscuits with a lot less sugar. So, instead of using a whole teaspoon per biscuit, I used a half of a teaspoon on both. How cool is that? It did taste less sweet but not in a horrendous 'I must have more sugar' sort of way!
Still had the sugar in my coffee, but smaller spoonfuls and as I'm not really having extra sugar anywhere else, I'm not going to crucify myself.
Making sweetcorn and chicken soup for dinner and when I went in the cupboard to get the tin of creamed sweetcorn I did nibble at a biscuit. The packet was open and the wrapper pulled back so I could SEEEE them. I did have some but it was less than half and then I walked out of the cupboard leaving the rest of the biscuit there. So that's a win situation because normally I would have had one whilst looking in the cupboard and taken at least one when I left the cupboard.
1 point to Adrian. Getting a bit tedious really - all of these points to Adrian.
To be continued...
Read part 2 to find out how Kate continues with her weight loss journey and struggles with birthday baking.