Kate: A Weight Loss Journey (part 3)
Find out how Kate copes with birthdays and baking.
So here I am: 8lbs lighter but how much since the weekend is unknown another reading will be taken in a couple of weeks maybe!
Now this afternoon is going to be a bit hard - mainly because it's a birthday and I'm making a cake. Now I'm not a lover of cake so once it's cooked it won't be a problem to resist but, oh that cake mixture waiting to be poured into the tins all sweet and creamy and ooohh STOP! Makes me think of a Meatloaf song, 'Stop right there! I gotta know right now! Do you love me?/ NO it's cake mixture - it doesn't love, it just goes on your hips! But it's soooo yummy and scrummy and...watch this space I'm not sure I can resist.
In the words of Oscar Wilde "I can resist anything but temptation".
Temptation? Cake mixture is flipping torture mate.
Anyway we shall see how Battle for the Bulge ends later!
Lunch oh yes mundane things like lunch. I did have my mozzarella and tomato with balsamic vinegar. It was lush and I had 4 Carrs melts crackers instead of the bread I had the other day. I figure it will work out as the mozzarella was half fat. Half fat for me used to mean I could eat twice as much - lol.
Oh those discs had better arrive soon! I'm impressed with how good I'm being.
Right I'm off to make a cake. Will she survive? Will she give in? Anything can happen in the next half hour (don't you just love Stingray? They knew what could happen in a kitchen). I'm going in. I may be some time...
You can tell I'm procrastinating can't you? Putting off that evil moment ...oh shucks just do it fool!
The cake is in the oven. Must be the quickest cake made ever. Mrs Crocker, Why do your cakes have to be so yummy before they're cooked? Ok I give in I caved! BUT rather than starting off with 3 tier cake and ending up with a 2 tier cake as is my norm I had 3 spoonfuls of the mixture (No they were NOT jam preserving spoons!)they were dessert spoons! Nearly pulled my tongue off licking the whisk clean ~ forgot to turn the power off! I jest I popped the whisks straight into the sink and the bowl quickly followed to be squired with washing up liquid (I'm sure I could develop a liking for washing up liquid ~ wonder how many calories it has? Hhhmm fat content? Let's not go there! Now just be patient til it's cooked! No I can't open the oven door ~ there's only one thing worse than raw cake mixture and that's half cooked cake mixture, the children have got used to cakes that have a cave on the top! Surely you know what Batman cake looks like?
I am not overweight I am under tall, if I was 13 ft 7 ins I'd be perfect!
The cake is done and iced! You should see this cake it's the Taj Mahal of cakes it's enormous. Strange but true. It's amazing how big this cake is when you don't eat half of the mixture before you bake it. Could I say in my defence I was probably only having my (un) fair share as I don't eat it when it's cooked. (Mine and about 3 other people's).
Dinner today was stir-fried squid and noodles, Number 1 likes squid although I've never cooked it before so it was a bit trial and error. It was ok I made a lovely spicy sauce that I added to the noodles and then dropped the squid into it so that it could cook. I had mine in a bowl so that it looked more and it was a fairly small portion.
I did have some cake but only to say 'Happy Birthday' it was the teeniest tiny slice and not even a full slice just a bit off the corner. A pretty good day all told.
Friday 1st October
I didn't go the the gym today due to driving number 2 to school and then going straight to do the shopping. Tesco is only acceptable when you go early. Being the first shop I have done since being 'done'I wasn't sure if it would affect my shopping habits! Surprisingly it did. my choices were a lot healthier and I didn't buy any Coke as we haven't finished last week's but I did buy extra sparkling water.
I did cave in a bit in the distressed section and bought a piece of pork pie. I don't know why because I hate pork pie, but it went into the trolley.
I bought Greek yoghurt but made the light choice. Haven't tasted it yet so not prepared to give Adrian a point for that one. Yet!
Nothing more untoward went into the trolley so it was a good trip really.
Upon getting home when I unpacked the shopping I did actually eat some of the pork pie. I probably had about half of the small piece I'd bought. I didn't eat all of the pastry on the piece I took I threw it away and when I felt I'd had enough pie I threw the rest of it in the bin just in case I was tempted to come back to it.
Now I'm being hormonally challenged at the moment and it is normally a very intense chocolate time, so I figure a bit of pork pie is ok lol. I did have a Carrs cheese melt cracker as well but I put the whole thing down as breakfast!
I thought eating might be harder today as number 1 had a day off school but as he didn't surface until half past 10 it wasn't too bad. He had bratwurst sausage in soft fresh baked rolls and I was very good I had (half fat yes HALF fat) mozzarella cheese, tomato and balsamic vinegar. I have decided that the olive oil doesn't really add anything so I've just been using the vinegar. I also used one of the fresh soft baked rolls, but I only used half of the roll. I found it harder to have the water today I don't know why.
As it is Friday which is normally kebab night I decided that I would have a kebab. So down to the shop I go and order number 1's burger, when it came to mine (normal order - a mixed kebab of a small shish and chicken shish combo, no bread and if I'm being really piggy a tiny bit of doner meat (never a huge amount - don't want to get fat!) I asked for a small chicken shish with no bread, we did have chips (normal order - 1 large between 2 of us or 2 between 3 of us), but I asked for 1 regular. We've always shared the chips as the portions are large. I was very good I had about a third of the portion whilst number 1 had the rest.
It was more than enough for me and strangely enough I actually enjoyed it more because I was actually tasting what I was eating rather than just eating and getting really stuffed.
The funny thing is that the man in the kebab shop thinks I'm ill because I only had a small one! "Are you sure you're alright darling - this is not your usual?" You want I put some doner on it? You're sure? A tiny bit I won't charge you?" Bless - he did give me 4 tomatoes so maybe he still fancies me, although thinking about it I didn't get any cucumber!
I think what the hypnotherapy is actually allowing me to do is re-learn my eating skills. I'm rethinking my relationship with food.
As Adrian said on Saturday, it takes a lot of coercion to make a child overweight and then an overweight adult. I was never an overweight child, but I do have a flawed relationship with food. Having used it as protection it then become karma to my moods. Happy: eat. Sad: eat. Upset: eat. Hormonal: eat. In the cupboard: pick!
1 point to Adrian. He deserves this one becuase I do love Friday night kebabs.
Saturday 2nd October
Well I was up fairly early to go to IKEA to pick up a new TV cabinet so left without having breakfast. Probably a mistake as on the way out of IKEAI gave in to the hot dog urge! I don't go to IKEA very often and I'm not a huge fan of hot dogs but it's just something that has to be done when you do go to IKEA.
Now I'm not sure if it's me (shame on you Adrian), or if they have actually changed the recipe of their hotdogs but it wasn't very good! Maybe it was guilt - lol.
Get the dog and I can't find the ketchup, so ask a man where it is, I couldn't see where he was telling me where to go ~ eventually he walked me to the ketchup bench I should apologise to this man and tell him that I pick up the guide dog this week!
OMG it's been so long but I don't remember it being that bad! I did finish it but threw the bread away! In hindsight a better choice may have been keep the bread and throw the dog lol. I was so bloated for hours afterwards - not good! Will I have one next time? Oh probably lol but maybe only half of it.
I also went into the little shop they have normal purchases would be jars of lingonberry jam etc. But I was very good: 1 jar of pickled herrings, 1 packet of crackers and 1 dime bar tart! Oh and 2 rolls of the chocolate discs (for the children of course).
The dog was my breakfast, and I had some of the herrings for lunch followed by a tiny piece of tart, (well it defrosted on the way home and couldn't be refrozen). This was followed by a guilt trip (thanks a bunch Adrian), upon reading that an 1 /8 th of the tart is 220 calories I did the unusual trick of cutting the cake and I was very honest I didn't take my piece out of the equation I added it back in to discover I'd had about a half a portion. See, I wasn't being a pig. Later I ate the other half but I figure I'm not being half as bad as normal. That tart would normallyl just have been cut into 4 or 5 pieces so to actually portioning it into 8 as opposed to the 6 or 8 portions it says on the box is very good.
Lunch was some of the pickled herring and 2 crackers with butter thinly smeared instead of thickly spread (boohoo!) but it wasn't deliberately done at all I wish I'd had to think of it!
Disc finally arrived so I listened to that in the afternoon.
Dinner - I was company keeping my friend's daughter and she cooked.
Oh the joy of 15 year old girls to compared 15 year old boys if I was waiting for mine to cook I'd starve. Not true actually number 2 is a very good cook and he did last year's Christmas lunch!, just takes a few days to clear up after him - being a man he uses every utensil in the kitchen and leaves a trail of destruction for someone else - ME to clear!
We had M&S cauliflower cheese with M&S potato gratin, with thinly sliced steak cooked on a raclette. There was enough left over for a 3rd person albeit a smallish person. The point is we didn't eat it all and it was 2 person packs. As anybody knows Marks 2 portion packs are not enough for 2 people unless they're 7 and they're too much for one! So for 2 people to eat AND leave was I thought very good.
I did have one-and-a-half small glasses of lemonade but it's ok because I was good with the dinner.
Had a nectarine for dessert. OMG!
Sunday 3rd October
Woke up as usual (Thank God for that really). I was back to my 2 Weetabix but for some reason I didn't have coffee
Lunch - we took himself to Nandos for his birthday lunch and whilst they were scoffing half chickens I had a ¼ chicken with fries and corn. I left some of the chicken, some of the fries AND half the corn cob! I did have a Diet Coke but only because the children got the drinks. When I went up to refill I had iced water.
No-one had dessert. When we got home I did pop a chocolate disc but more because the pack was there and open , but I only had the one! Think I'm finding I'm not enjoying chocolate as much as I used to or the Diet Coke.
Strange that used to is only a week ago, how strange and how peculiar the mind is Adrian did say you wouldn't miss things after 2 weeks, but he lied!
I can't believe that this is me after a week free of biscuits (can you count a 1/3?) a week free of crisps, totally! Walkers will be announcing record losses if this goes on, aweek free of Diet Coke - can you count it if a) you didn't enjoy it and b) it was only a teeny % of what used to be your daily intake?
Dinner - I had a sandwich (oatilicious bread Adrian) spread with 'pourable sunshine' instead of butter, thinly sliced ham, a pre sliced piece of Jarlesburg cheese and tomato. Very delicious it was too.
Just had a mug of Horlicks (light Adrian) made with skimmed milk, because it's so cold in the house as the heating is broken. Roll on tomorrow.
Monday 4th October
Today I decided I wouldn't have the old Weetabix I had straw mattresses instead! I enjoyed them but, I think that for me Weetabix is more filling. I've started to think about food more which is unsettling, I'm putting it down to being pre menstrual and I know that all my thin friends have hormonal urges too so I'm not going to worry too much if I go 'off track' at this time but will keep an eye on it that it doesn't get out of hand.
I have discovered that sweet things make me want more sweet things and it is quite difficult to fight the urge. But it's only natural I suppose after all I did just eat it when I wanted it without thinking. Now I'm thinking and I'm finding that I think sweet is addictive in a way I didn't know.
Must be down to those sugar highs and lows which I didn't think I suffered from! Oh you naughty food industry!
Added to that I think I have to say I hate Adrian right now! I pinched a choc out of the big birthday box we got the boy's father for his birthday, EWWWWW it was sooo sweet and disgusting. Oh my face was pulling some awful shapes. Maybe I won't be addicted to sweet things anymore. Eww!! Even the memory is putting me into sugar overload.
Well himself has decided that today must be chutney making as there is a glut of tomatoes. Guess who's making it? God, the kitchen stinks of cooking vinegar.
Good news - we have heat! It's so warm now.
Lunch is tuna fish and I've polished off the whole can (in brine) on 3 crackers, I was hungry. Still no crisps or coke which is good for me as I was the queen of Diet Coke.
Testing the chutney is proving fatal the juice is divine. Ahh but I forget the cooking rule. Calories ingested whilst tasting during food preparation are exempt. It's truue! I can dream...10 jars of chutney later, but I had a disaster! Whilst making the chilli jam the phone rang and instead of chilli jam I actually have chilli toffee. It's very nice actually, very sweet and blow your mind hot. Will have to start again another day. I can't deseed another 30 chillies without latex gloves, my hands are so sore. Upside of that is I can't hold anything so dinner was a very small portion!
Meatballs (4 small) and some rice I didn't have the teriyaki sauce.
No evening snacking which is extremely good!
Tuesday 5th October
Went back to Weetabix for breakfast and my coffee but only put 1 ½ tsps in so slowly cutting down on the sugar. Am staying well away from chillies until my hands are less sore.
Lunch today was a sandwich made with a slice of cheese and wafer thin ham on oatbread. With a bottle of sparkling water.
No snacking so far! Think I must be losing weight just on not snacking alone lol In all honesty I have to say I don't really miss the snacking at all. I think in the end it's just something you do to keep your hands busy. Making I should take up knitting or crochet? NAH!
I am listening to the CD not sure which is my favourite yet. Mainly because I can't really remember them about 10 minutes after it's finished!
One thing I'm realising is that Adrian (clever dick) does have all of my (and everybody else) thinking off pat, when he says that we may think we're doing it all on our own.
I'm thinking about eating something and make another choice or decide I don't want it and I think well I did that, I made that choice! But at least I have the choice now. Before there was no choice, it's such a stupid illogical thing to say when I say that I know it sounds so, I'm not even sure what word to use - my choice would possibly be helpless. I was helpless when it came to making that choice because I'd conditioned or been condition to just put food in my mouth. Now when I eat, I do enjoy it more. It's such a silly thing to say - how can you enjoy food more when you're eating less?
I've always enjoyed food but I suppose it was a means to an end, it's still a means to an end but I can be slower, taste it more enjoy it more and be full and enjoy that without that bluh, bloated, eaten too much feeling.
1 point to Adrian. Sigh....
Wednesday 6th October
Today was never going to be a good day when I realised that something I had been looking forward to was not going to happen. I was surprised how quickly I thought about using food as an escape at the first 'bad' thing to happen.
Breakfast was some chocolate cereal, now you to bear in mind I haven't had chocolate in any quantity for almost 2 weeks. Comfort food is so alluring.
So I took my bowl of lovely choccy choccy filled pillows of yumminess into the lounge to sit and indulge my misery.
I hate you Adrian Mathams, goodness me it was so sweet - I nearly gagged, however I persevered and ate it but didn't enjoy it or the feeling I had when I'd finished! That's ok I need this, I'm miserable.
So I had a midmorning snack of a packet of my favourite Kettle Chips and a can of ...DIET COKE yay!
Again I have to say OMG. Oh they were disgusting and don't get me started on the Diet Coke.
I can't even enjoy my misery any more.
So I put my sensible head back on and shook myself and said, 'OK, so you're miserable, suck it up! The stuff you used to eat, you can't even stomach any more, so what's the point in even trying to eat it?' So lunch was a grilled bacon sandwich made with 1 slice of bread and you know what? I really enjoyed it! I fell off the wagon and I didn't like it.
Dinner was another funny one. I made stuffed mushrooms, with pork chops topped with bbq sauce, topped with stove top stuffing, potatoes and veg.
First of all there were too many chops. Normally I would cook them all and dish them all up and stuff everyone or waste them. Tonight I did one per person and put the others in the fridge for Thursday. On to the stuffing, now I adore this stuffing and can eat it on it's own but today although I had a nibble I topped the chops and put the rest in the fridge for Thursday! WHAT is going on here? Potatoes: I gave myself 2 very small pieces of potato, fed everyone and before I had mine went off to do something.
When I came back I had 1 potato. Now 1 plate had left the kitchen with 5 and the other with 6. So I went in and said ok who had my potato when I only had 2 anyway?
"Oh" says Himself, "That was me, sorry."
"Hang on" I said, "You had 6, I only had 2 and you took 1."
"Oh well" says he, "It won't do you any harm! Would you like to eat the rest of it? It would do me even less harm then!"
"Nah you're alright" says he. Just to spite him I didn't even eat the potato he'd left me with. GRRRR!
So although I did go off track it wasn't enjoyable nor did it have the desired effect. The crisps were so oily and greasy and just plain inedible (even though I forced myself to eat them ~ for science you understand!). I got back on track and hopefully the next time I feel like that I will now know that the old fixes just simply don't work anymore! 1 point to Adrian I guess grrr!
Thursday 7th October
Back on the old Weetabix again and, surprisingly, happy to be here.
Let's see what the day brings.