Kate: A Weight Loss Journey (part 2)
Find out how Kate is coping with a shift in mindset, plus the dangers of too much water before bedtime!
I feel I do have to say this before I forget and that is: If it's this easy why didn't I do it before? Why couldn't I control it before? Why did I let it get so far out of hand? That is shameful really that I let it get so bad, I feel that whatever the reasons I had at the time just weren't real. It upsets me greatly when I see that image I have now in my head of my reflection in the mirror and I won't lie, it still hurts and I cry everyday that that is me!
When you are really forced to confront what you actually are it's really hard. Yes - I knew I was huuuge by the clothes I was wearing, but I never actually pictured my real self. I think my personality actually staved off the reality of ME. Because I'm always fairly cheerful and up for a laugh I don't get stick for being fat.
Thank God for my friends, who on Saturday when I was telling them how I felt about my self image, took me in hand and told me they'd never, ever thought of me as a big, fat, ugly blob and that the only reason they have ever wanted me to lose weight was that:
a) I'd be around longer becuase they loved me
b) that we could go shopping in the same shops and
c) that I would have a better life in myself
Thank you all my wonderful friends.
Points to Adrian: numerous, unlimited!
Right now as I'm writing this, I'm getting emotional, and I'm sure I will continue to be for some time.
I do have to say that in all honesty, my weight has never been an issue for me in terms of service in restaurants ( I may have said that already I don't know, I'm just writing as I feel). I have even had waiters who have cut two portions in half as I couldn't choose between desserts and have given me a bit of each. I've never been insulted (unless you count the chav in the 4by4 who had blocked me in by double parking next to my car). When I got in my car and said (not loudly but the car window was open) that they had s*&t for brains, she took umbrage exclaiming "Who the **** do you think you are? Fat cow." My reply, "I'm the fat cow with a parking space miss s**t for brains." Lot of spluttering from inside her car, but nothing more she could say, lol).
Lunch was my usual: peanut butter sandwich followed by a yoghurt. The jar is now finished which I am pleased about. I don't know why it was important to me to finish the jar but it was how I can get into another of my loves: tomato and mozzarella with balsamic vinegar. Yummy! Roll on tomorrow lunch. It's a sad life I have.
I did have a banana mid-afternoon and it was more ripe than I normally have them, so it would be inclined to be a bit sweet, but I found it so sweet I was almost gagging I managed to fight the gag to finish it. Actually I did throw some away, not a lot but a bit.
Think I need to avoid sweet altogether as that made me really snacky and I wanted crisps and stuff. Oooohh don't you just love stuff? But I was very good and avoided giving in.
Dinner was homemade Chinese style chicken and sweetcorn soup - delicious, I had a relatively small bowl compared to the others and I did have 4 small pork wonton scrumpyducious, if I say so myself! Everybody ate every drop and there's a bit left over, so that might be lunch - who knows.
Finished the night with a dish of yoghurt.
Thursday 30th September
First off I have to say when does the water output level off Adrian? Because right now I'm like an old man with a dodgy prostate in the night! Beginning to think I'm going to have to re-potty train myself. No drinks for an hour before bedtime. Flaming Nora - talk about Niagara Falls, certainly does!
Went to the gym as usual and did my workout. Then I hopped onto the scales to see what I weighed. Couldn't see if I'd lost any as I hadn't weighed myself before the hypno. But what I did was get the girls at the gym to look at my notes and see if I was round about the same or heavier etc. Now bearing in mind it's about a year since I was good at dieting and was weighed I am now 8lbs lighter. I'm not going to say this is what I've lost but I've lost some because as we know people we don't lose weight when we stop dieting and start eating fatty food and drinking alcohol do we?
Oh Aunty Mary I miss you so - in the glass full of tinkling ice topped with Diet Coke (of course we all know that using diet drinks as mixers takes away all the alcohol calories rendering the drink harmless! Just like broken biscuits have no calories because they escape as the biscuit breaks!